Chapter 1 was great as you get right into the action although there was no need to have 2 choices of going with Baxter or Rae and just have 1 path, non linearity isn't necessary I would say.
Chapter 2 was not as good as the action/drama/thrill should have kept going and not slow down, meeting more characters this early in the story will also slow down pacing and quality of writing.
I would say the biggest flaw of this story is the focus on non linear choices, why do we need 3 choices of powers? Chapter 2 also has 2 ending choices as well. Having so many branching choices will make writing the story difficult while lowering the quality as the author won't be able to focus on 1 unique story.
That being said the premise is very unique and original and I hope to see the next chapters soon
Sorry it didnt live up to expectations! The reason I've put in so many branching choices is because I want the game to be different every time you play it almost to increase replay value but I can understand why it may seem like too much.
The value (and point) of IF comes from its branching. An IF that lacks choices wouldnโt be worth reading. Maybe the OP didnโt realize this is IF? But either way, Iโd say continue branching to the extent manageable.
For the special ability (mind control, etc), could we get a brief explanation of what each of the 3 entails, in game, before we confirm which we want for our character? Also, can we get an option in settings to turn off the illustrations in-game? Enjoying this game so far! Also may have laughed out loud at being called "stumpy" after THAT happens. Quinn is already one of my favourite characters.
I'm super happy you're enjoying the game and Quinn's character, she's a lot of fun to write! I can definitely add more information about the mods before you choose them though it would be only appear in game with the next update. With regard to the illustrations, can I ask if there's something specific that bothers you about them or what the reason is to want to turn them off?
There's nothing wrong with the illustrations per se, I just prefer to imagine characters based on how they're described in text and find that illustrations can break immersion when they suddenly crop up in an otherwise text-based game, especially if they're a certain style that's at odds with what my brain conjures up. I understand if you can't or don't want to make it an option to turn them off, and I hope you're not offended by the request, but I really hope you'll at least consider it, even if it means they're on by default and turning them off is something you have to do in settings.
I appreciate you adding the mod descriptions in future - it's good to know roughly what it entails and get a heads up on the downsides of each power, too, even if it's just hinted at! I will definitely do a playthrough of each type of mod when the story gets more content, and I love how aspects of the story change depending on what mod you choose. I love that sort of attention to detail, an the replay value that comes with it. Just FYI, even though the most tempting is mind control, satisfying our inner dictator lol, I decide to choose the one in relation to controlling the senses, just to see how it is. So far, pretty interesting!
As for Quinn, I did actually check up to see if she's a romance option, I'll admit. I was/am playing a gay male (so much for that lol), but I'm a huge fan of interesting and challenging characters first-and-foremost, and Quinn had me the moment she hacked away at my arm like a kid in a candy store, and then it was love when she called me Stumpy. LOL. But seriously, I know she's not a RO, but at the very least I better be able to give back as good as I get from her, and get a lot more weird, unpredictable moments with her to keep things interesting. :D I'm also really intrigues to see how the romance with the enemy android goes. Enemies to lovers is always a fun one to play, all the rivalry and tension. That is definitely top of my list for playthroughs of this game! :)
I can see about maybe adding a mechanic before the game starts to turn off the illustrations, I don't imagine it being a lot of work so that's nice at least lol.
I remember making a post about the mods and what each of them entail on my tumblr forever ago and for some reason thought that meant I was set everywhere else ๐, so thank you actually for bringing that to my attention.
With Quinn, I can definitely add one or two flirt-y options with her but because she already starts off not liking the mc and each "antagonistic" choice with her brings your relationship with her into the negatives, she'd have very different reactions lmao. She's kind of a disposable character (if that's what you call it?) so there's not really a way for her to be a fully fledged ro but I can see a fling happening.
And as for Kelly; it's going to go very poorly. :D
I went thru all the play throughs and the one with mind control is crazy ๐ญ shi I'd abuse it too, like i got all these options and mind control is just the first one tempting me
Good luck, I know being a part time author is hard while usually working or studying so no need to rush it. Just don't overthink things and do "redos" or "rewrites" like most authors do. Good luck, I hope for more action, drama romance from this story, since it has a lot of potential. This story could be the next Fallen Hero, hopefully it doesn't become the next Wayhaven lol
Hope the update is doing well and you're over the writers block. If you're looking for an IF with a fantastic story to take inspiration from I would recommend Fallen Hero 1 and 2. Keep up the great work.
Hope the next chapters release sooner than later :)
I read this, and itvleftvme wanting more. I can't wait for whenever you can update this. The concept, and the story seems interesting, so kepp up the good work.
I'm not fan of post-apocalyptic games, but I liked it, the story got me hooked. I'm happy with with the one-person pov. It's refreshing. I hope in the following chapters we will learn a little more about the world, androids and how the world became like this.Baxter such sweetheart ๐ฅบ If this Lightwood hurts him, I want to kill them! ๐ค๐ก
Two little things, but more technical - In light mode choice options; text on dark background is difficult to read. I recommend changing the font or using bold.
Grey eyes, please? ๐ Why the authors don't like grey eyes so much?? You are the third one ๐๐๐
Thank you! I'm very happy you like the demo and Baxter, and don't worry, you'll get to face off with Lightwood soon! I'll see what I can do about the font/colour but I can definitely add grey eyes! ๐
Really enjoyed the story, the characters and the world! I like the writing style, and the way the scenes are set. I agree that the pacing is more fast (maybe more dynamic is a better word), but I didn't get a feeling of "what, when, where" So in my opinion the author did a great job of moving forward, without cutting corners, or jumping through scenes, it felt easy & organic to follow the story. Soooo love the concept, the charecters and the first romance paths and really cannot wait for more! ๐ค ๐ค
Good concept, feels like things move a bit fast but that's fine considering its just a demo, found a couple glitches if you go with Rae tho, after having chosen the have an interest in her option and then choosing to either hug or do nothing after using your mod to try and escape, the game glitches and resets your interest to nothing. I'll bookmark this, keep working on it :)
I'll get that fixed asap. I'll also see what I can do about the pacing with the next chapters, I took a massive break in between writing the first chapter so that probably explains the pacing issue. Thank you!
โ Return to game
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hiii! question, did you delete your Tumblr?
It's still up, I just privated it. Honestly I don't even remember why so I'll probably make it public again soon๐
Update when๐
when I regain the will to live hopefully ๐ญ
๐ญ๐
Chapter 1 was great as you get right into the action although there was no need to have 2 choices of going with Baxter or Rae and just have 1 path, non linearity isn't necessary I would say.
Chapter 2 was not as good as the action/drama/thrill should have kept going and not slow down, meeting more characters this early in the story will also slow down pacing and quality of writing.
I would say the biggest flaw of this story is the focus on non linear choices, why do we need 3 choices of powers? Chapter 2 also has 2 ending choices as well. Having so many branching choices will make writing the story difficult while lowering the quality as the author won't be able to focus on 1 unique story.
That being said the premise is very unique and original and I hope to see the next chapters soon
Sorry it didnt live up to expectations! The reason I've put in so many branching choices is because I want the game to be different every time you play it almost to increase replay value but I can understand why it may seem like too much.
The value (and point) of IF comes from its branching. An IF that lacks choices wouldnโt be worth reading. Maybe the OP didnโt realize this is IF? But either way, Iโd say continue branching to the extent manageable.
For the special ability (mind control, etc), could we get a brief explanation of what each of the 3 entails, in game, before we confirm which we want for our character?
Also, can we get an option in settings to turn off the illustrations in-game?
Enjoying this game so far! Also may have laughed out loud at being called "stumpy" after THAT happens. Quinn is already one of my favourite characters.
I'm super happy you're enjoying the game and Quinn's character, she's a lot of fun to write! I can definitely add more information about the mods before you choose them though it would be only appear in game with the next update. With regard to the illustrations, can I ask if there's something specific that bothers you about them or what the reason is to want to turn them off?
There's nothing wrong with the illustrations per se, I just prefer to imagine characters based on how they're described in text and find that illustrations can break immersion when they suddenly crop up in an otherwise text-based game, especially if they're a certain style that's at odds with what my brain conjures up. I understand if you can't or don't want to make it an option to turn them off, and I hope you're not offended by the request, but I really hope you'll at least consider it, even if it means they're on by default and turning them off is something you have to do in settings.
I appreciate you adding the mod descriptions in future - it's good to know roughly what it entails and get a heads up on the downsides of each power, too, even if it's just hinted at! I will definitely do a playthrough of each type of mod when the story gets more content, and I love how aspects of the story change depending on what mod you choose. I love that sort of attention to detail, an the replay value that comes with it. Just FYI, even though the most tempting is mind control, satisfying our inner dictator lol, I decide to choose the one in relation to controlling the senses, just to see how it is. So far, pretty interesting!
As for Quinn, I did actually check up to see if she's a romance option, I'll admit. I was/am playing a gay male (so much for that lol), but I'm a huge fan of interesting and challenging characters first-and-foremost, and Quinn had me the moment she hacked away at my arm like a kid in a candy store, and then it was love when she called me Stumpy. LOL. But seriously, I know she's not a RO, but at the very least I better be able to give back as good as I get from her, and get a lot more weird, unpredictable moments with her to keep things interesting. :D
I'm also really intrigues to see how the romance with the enemy android goes. Enemies to lovers is always a fun one to play, all the rivalry and tension. That is definitely top of my list for playthroughs of this game! :)
Good luck for your future writing! :)
I can see about maybe adding a mechanic before the game starts to turn off the illustrations, I don't imagine it being a lot of work so that's nice at least lol.
I remember making a post about the mods and what each of them entail on my tumblr forever ago and for some reason thought that meant I was set everywhere else ๐, so thank you actually for bringing that to my attention.
With Quinn, I can definitely add one or two flirt-y options with her but because she already starts off not liking the mc and each "antagonistic" choice with her brings your relationship with her into the negatives, she'd have very different reactions lmao. She's kind of a disposable character (if that's what you call it?) so there's not really a way for her to be a fully fledged ro but I can see a fling happening.
And as for Kelly; it's going to go very poorly. :D
YEESSS, this is AMAZINGGG
THANK YOU BESTIE!!
Loved the update โจ
Thank you! โบ๏ธ
UPDATE YESSSSSS YESSSSSSSSSSSS
I went thru all the play throughs and the one with mind control is crazy ๐ญ shi I'd abuse it too, like i got all these options and mind control is just the first one tempting me
Lol as long as you don't forget the negative side effects bestie ;)
when update pls
Well I don't have a lot left to write of chapter 2 so im gonna attempt to finish this weekend, so sometime next week maybe?
Good luck, I know being a part time author is hard while usually working or studying so no need to rush it. Just don't overthink things and do "redos" or "rewrites" like most authors do. Good luck, I hope for more action, drama romance from this story, since it has a lot of potential. This story could be the next Fallen Hero, hopefully it doesn't become the next Wayhaven lol
iโm back in your comments again bc i still love this game !!! good luck with the progress, everything looks good and intriguing so far.
on another note: donโt let the ppl rushing u stress u out. let yourself relax
Still no update? Cmon now, it was getting interesting.
Bestie pls I'm working on it I swear ๐ญ๐ญ
NO WAY IT ENDED LIKE TBAT PLS HAVE MERXY THIS IS SO GOOD
IM SORRY BESTIE BUT ITS GONNA GET SO MUCH WORSE๐ฉ๐ฉ
you're a goob
that's high praise btw
Thank you? Lol
Still no update? I really want to read more
I'm nearing the half way mark of chapter 2 and progress has been pretty good so I'm hoping I can hustle and get to the end soon!
No update yet? really liked it but it was too short
Thanks! Ive been struggling with a bit of writers block for chapter 2 so ive been mainly focusing changing the pov of ch 1 from first to second
Hope the update is doing well and you're over the writers block. If you're looking for an IF with a fantastic story to take inspiration from I would recommend Fallen Hero 1 and 2. Keep up the great work.
Hope the next chapters release sooner than later :)
This is really nice and interesting!
Can't wait for more โจ
thank you so much!
I read this, and itvleftvme wanting more. I can't wait for whenever you can update this. The concept, and the story seems interesting, so kepp up the good work.
I enjoyed the story I will be keep on going
thank you!
I'm not fan of post-apocalyptic games, but I liked it, the story got me hooked. I'm happy with with the one-person pov. It's refreshing. I hope in the following chapters we will learn a little more about the world, androids and how the world became like this. Baxter such sweetheart ๐ฅบ If this Lightwood hurts him, I want to kill them! ๐ค๐ก
Two little things, but more technical - In light mode choice options; text on dark background is difficult to read. I recommend changing the font or using bold.
Grey eyes, please? ๐ Why the authors don't like grey eyes so much?? You are the third one ๐๐๐
Thank you! I'm very happy you like the demo and Baxter, and don't worry, you'll get to face off with Lightwood soon! I'll see what I can do about the font/colour but I can definitely add grey eyes! ๐
Really enjoyed the story, the characters and the world! I like the writing style, and the way the scenes are set. I agree that the pacing is more fast (maybe more dynamic is a better word), but I didn't get a feeling of "what, when, where" So in my opinion the author did a great job of moving forward, without cutting corners, or jumping through scenes, it felt easy & organic to follow the story. Soooo love the concept, the charecters and the first romance paths and really cannot wait for more! ๐ค ๐ค
Thank you!๐
Good concept, feels like things move a bit fast but that's fine considering its just a demo, found a couple glitches if you go with Rae tho, after having chosen the have an interest in her option and then choosing to either hug or do nothing after using your mod to try and escape, the game glitches and resets your interest to nothing. I'll bookmark this, keep working on it :)
I'll get that fixed asap. I'll also see what I can do about the pacing with the next chapters, I took a massive break in between writing the first chapter so that probably explains the pacing issue. Thank you!